6 things they don’t tell you about owning a dog
So you want to get a cute furball so you can spend your days getting high off canine cuddles? There’s no doubt that dogs are cute and you’re probably down for the odd walk in the park and feeding it twice a day. But there are SO many weird things that no-one tells you about owning a dog, which we’re going to cover below:
Dogs have a way of embarrassing you
If you have dirty laundry, your dog will make sure it’s aired in public. Literally. Dogs love socks, dirty underwear and will often try to smell your crotch. Oh and ladies, don’t let them anywhere near the bathroom bin as they will retrieve your used tampon and use it as a chewing toy.
They go crazy after a bath
Trying to get the dog in the bath is a chore in itself. Lots of dogs just HATE the water and will try scrambling out of the tub or stand their looking sand and forlorn. But what’s even more hilarious is when your dog is finished with bath time and starts zooming around the house like Road Runner the rabbit. They will shake off their coat, rub themselves on every single surface and maybe even pee on your couch as a “f**k you*.
They get the zoomies
When you bring them in to the house after a walk, or sometimes at dusk aka “the witching hour”, dogs, for some reason, start going absolutely bonkers. They run around the house in all directions like they’re high on drugs and you start to wonder if maybe your dog is just a little bit mental. We call this the zoomies, because, well, they zzooooom at high speed.
They want attention all of the time
Kids, they grow up. They learn to speak. Dogs stay children forever. And they just want to be around humans ALL OF THE TIME. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, they need to be in the same room as you. And if you’re walking from the kitchen to the lounge, don’t be surprised to find your dog sitting on the couch before you.
They love to smell everything
Thought you were going to go on a brisk walk down the street, gliding along? Think again. The reality is it will take you about 10 minutes to walk one block because the dog has to stop and smell absolutely everything…lamp posts, garbage, someone’s shoe…and then they will want to pee on it.
Sometimes they eat their own vomit/poop
Yep, dogs eat random stuff. They’ll eat grass, plant leaves, random pieces of food they’ve found on the floor. And then they’ll vomit it right back up. Then, to top it off, they’ll eat their own vomit. Some dogs are so weird that they’ll actually eat their own poop. Gross.
So there you have it. Dogs are weirdos! But we love them for it!